if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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