the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
