I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize