why didn't you poke me back
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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