you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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