shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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