just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
