wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
