Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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