That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
