i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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