Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
