what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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