hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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