I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
