oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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