Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
