I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
