He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
