Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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