toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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