where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
