I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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