Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
