Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
