y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh god the rape fog is back!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
