my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
