If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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