you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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