It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
