her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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