Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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