She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize