I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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