I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
