im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
