just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize