Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize