smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize