my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
