i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
