I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
