i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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