Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
