cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
