He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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