Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
