If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
