Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
