Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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