omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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