He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
me + whiskey = a bad person
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
