which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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