Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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