Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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