im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
