Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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