I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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