Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The air taste purple.
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