38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
