i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
