They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
