i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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