i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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