walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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