I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
